Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
