Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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