yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
