mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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