I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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