I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
