My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
