I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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