If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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