Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
