my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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