I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
