Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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