Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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