genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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