What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
