he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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