im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
