I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
