Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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