I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
