I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
