I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
