but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
