giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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