Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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