Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
