Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
