it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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