is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it glows. i had to have it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
