thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
