a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
