whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
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I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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