If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
