I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
