do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
