explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
