You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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