Don't you send me to vm
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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