I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
