Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
