Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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