if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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