New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
