Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
