You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
