dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
