I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
