do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
