dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
