As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
