woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
