i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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