Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
