We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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