Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
