remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
