So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
