I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
