bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm really into asian looking animals
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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