Have you finally orgasmed yet?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
