First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.