Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU