I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.