make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
