i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
