My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We're too hungover to prance.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
