So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
