Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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